Ripped from the Root.

"Oh my God, he fell off the stage." This was my roommate's reaction to the premiere of one of the most ridiculous shows on television momentarily, America's Got Talent. Usually this statement would not have been very funny but the nonchalantness of her tone of voice was just too priceless considering the severity of the situation we were watching. I am still laughing!

Unfortunately it is too recent to find a clip... and strangely there are other clips provided of previous poor saps faling off the stage... good grief.

I washed and waxed the ole Tribute today, she is looking fresh and so clean, clean. I swear, every time I am washing the car and a neighbor or dog walker happens by, they always ask if their car can be next... uh no you crazy fools! I almost died washing this one. Time after time I have to force a laugh and grin while saying "Next time, for sure". (There is no next time...)

So I can be a sucker for new products that are just 'to good to be true'. For instance when I was younger I tried Nair for my legs.... and nearly burned off all my skin. I bought the Certain Dry antiperspirant back when my metabolism was through the roof and I could sweat through anything... all it did was make my unda-arms extremely itching... extremely. Anyway, the latest sucker punch was the Veet Wax Strips. Oh yeah, what could go wrong ripping your own hair out, by the root?

Apparently a lot because I rubbed the wax strips quickly between the palms of my hands to create heat and placed the strip onto the outside of the right shin. I then proceeded to rub again to produce more heat.... and violently ripped the thing off... along with a good 5 layers of skin. Hurt like you couldn't imagine. AND its all sunburned, so, double jeopardy.

I really need to start filming this kind of thing and have a vlog going on the side, I think it would be appreciated.

But lesson learned. Also if your birthday is coming up guess what you are getting.... slightly used boxed of Veet Wax Strips. Happy birthday.


Boom. Posted.

Soaking Up the Sun.

We had an old people party at the house last night. I when I say 'old people' I mean 'older people' because the roommate does like the former and much prefers the latter...

It actually went off pretty well. I gave a house tour, we conned one of the men into doing the grilling of the burgers, and the whole thing was over by 9pm. One guy was falling asleep at the table during dessert... just couldn't hang.

The roommate is currently vacuuming. (I would assist but unfortunately there is only one vacuum, darn). She told me "I am only doing a lick and a promise". Umm what? "What does that mean Grammy?" "I am only going to do a lick now and I promise to do the rest later." Haha okay Grammy, deal.

I spent some time out by the pool yesterday since it was a gorgeous 80 degrees, soon to be overtaken by the 102 forecasted for tomorrow, yikes. I had a parade of friends over. This is where you invite everyone over at once but due to their conflicting schedules one comes right after the next. It worked out wonderfully until I realized I forgot to lube of my legs with sunscreen and they were red as chili peppers when I went to bed.... sorry dad :(

Boom. Sunburned... posted.

The Heart of a Champion.

I spent the majority of today cleaning, reorganizing and catching up one of the guilty pleasures I have restricted myself unknowingly from. And that pleasure would be, oh yes, Homestarrunner.com . I know my father would say its stupid for a 22 year-old to watch and my mother would wish I was studying instead, but dangit, I cannot get enough of those sbemails.

I am aware that most of you readers will have no idea of the awesomeness of this website and all of the memories it has created in my life since the 10th grade when I was introduced to it by my old friend Kelly "the green eyed" Wong. If you watch any of them and see the character of Homestar Runner and listen to his voice, my brother can sound just like that. My brother, Blake and his brothers and I all speak in Homestar Runner language when we are together. Its inevitable.

Here is a good starter to get ya going, huge inside joke in my family: Crying

In other news, I babysat for my usual girls last week and Stella, a first grader, needs a little help in spelling and her mother is trying to get her to work on it over the summer. So I decided I would assist and would do that by creating a chapter book with her. We began to brainstorm and she was throwing out all these ideas then finally decided on the subject "Artland". A land full of art with Mr. and Mrs. Pastel, Mr. and Mrs. Crayola, grass made from crayons and an Evil Witch who spills black paint over everyone's art. Oh yeah, its going to be a best seller. 

Boom. Posted.

Put Your Hands Where I Can See Them.

I went to the bank yesterday and I still get nervous when I'm there. I am terrified of waiting in line and someone busts down the door wanting all the cash and holds everyone hostage and everyone turns in their cell phone except for me and mine rings and they try to kill me and they do and now I'm dead. I am always thinking the worse case scenario on this one.

One time I pulled up and there was a cab parked out in the front of the door. I didn't even put my car in park I just kept driving through. I am not trying to have the robber use a cab as a getaway car.

If the people in line with me are really jittery or anxious, that's it, I'm worried. Something is going to go down and I am getting out of here before it does. But then again, I am a member of the "world's freaking friendliest bank" who wants to know my whole life story in the short time it takes to deposit my measly $40 golf course check... Yeah and that's on a good week.

I decided if anyone ever did try to rob the bank, I would make a beeline for the door. I think I would rather be shot than have to be a hostage with no food, no water, and no hopes for the future. Just my thoughts on the situation.

Boom. Posted.

All in the Perception.

I forgot to mention two things about our trip to the coast this past weekend. The first is that the next morning Blake and I took a walk on the beach and then went up to the deck to watch the waves. We thought we saw a seal pop its head up but it turned out to be two whales (possibly grey) with their fins in the air and breathing through their blow holes. Totally amazing.

The second thing was that the other girl who was there is a psychology major in Washington and she was studying for a final. It was for Sensation & Perception which was a class I had previously taken so I was telling her about my crazy teacher. I also mentioned that he wrote the book for the class and she had her book with her to study.... it was the same book. She had been reading and there was a figure on the page challenging the person to find 13 faces in the picture. While they were waiting for us to get to the house, she and her date were trying to find the faces. She then asked Blake if he could find them and this is what he said:

"Oh I'm going to kill it. How many faces am I looking for? 13? Imma find 15." With all the confidence in the world... very funny. He sounded so much like my dad I almost died. When I told my dad what he said the next day my dad said, "Overachiever.... I like it."

Here is the picture:

Try to find the 13 (or 15) faces. 

Boom. Perceptioned...posted.

The Big O... Oregon That Is.

This is what I am hearing at the C 14 gate that I just sat down at the Las Vegas Airport...

"Well that's what he should be doing, paying for you. Maybe not every time, I mean, you could take him out if you wanted to. Like McDon... Oh well you work there so you might be sick of it. I mean, I was the store manager and I never got tired of it. Well at least you won't gain any weight... oh that reminds me, I have this bra for you. Its lacy pink. Yeah its from Victoria Secret, its just too small, it'll be perfect for you."

"Oh are you on a date right now, sweetie? Oh don't let me interrupt your date.... yeah my flight is at 8."

"Oh one time I bought a pack of diapers because Stewart forgot to pack diapers in the diaper bag. He dropped the kid off at the house and I was like 'Dude, good thing I got a car seat cause you got no diapers'. Kid woulda died."

This lady is right behind me, talking louder than anything, talking about anything and everything like no one can hear her. I finally lose it and start laughing. The guy in front of me asked what I am laughing about and I tell him its the lady. He says "Oh yeah, she's been at it for an hour." Then he asks me if I am checking email and I tell him "Actually I am blogging... about this... too good to miss".

Oh how I love to travel. I am going to Alaska this summer for 10 days and that trip is absolutely brutal. I am sure I will get plenty of material on those days.

My trip to Oregon to see Blake is over... very bitter. We had a splendid time though. I was there for a whole week and we did a plethora of exciting activities:
-After he picked me up from the airport (he meets me at baggage claim :) we get some pizza at this delicious pizza place "Pizzano's Pizza".

-We then venture to IKEA because for some crazy unknown reason I have never been in that store and now I am extremely upset by that fact because the place is like heaven... do you know they have a cafeteria? It was breathtaking. Also I loved the scene in (500) Days of Summer when they play around with all of the appliances. Blake and I tried it a couple times but then there were just too many setups to handle.

-Dinner was at his grandparents house and they live next door to this enormously amazing park. I was so antsy I had to go. I just had to. And we swung on the swings and I regretted sliding down the tube slide, which Blake wisely decided against. His grandparents are wonderful. His grandma no longer cooks in the kitchen. She told her husband that she cooked for the first 50 years and now he's got the next 50. Also we played foxtail there, and I suck at foxtail, straight up.

-Blake had a surprise set up for the weekend and I could hardly handle the suspense... well I couldn't and he got annoyed with my asking so many questions. So I finally shut up and we headed out to our mystery destination on....

OH crazy lady is back on the phone "And take care of my dogs! If I come back and Lisa is skinnier.... you're dead! Love you too, bye."

....Saturday afternoon. About an house into the trip we are stopped by a construction lady who welcomes us to her area by saying "Oh guess you didn't get the memo..." ??  "The road is closed is you are trying to go to this place or the other you have to go all the way back to the detour sign." Yeah duh we didn't get the memo.... Our 1.5 hour trip turned into about 3.5 hours and Blake was not happy. But our destination was the coast! One of his friend's family own a house seriously right on the water:

Definitely a big difference between the coast and the beach but totally cool. There were four of us and we decided that later that night we would check out this local bar about 5 minutes from the house. Turns out the place was a sketch tavern, which I learned by asking for a long island and was 'politely' refused because "this is a Tavern, we do not have hard alcohol". "Oh yeah that's right"..... didn't know that. Full of drunk locals, a pool table, and a shuffle board set. We had a great night and I rock at pool. 

The trip was super great and as always I can hardly wait for the next...

Boom. Posted. 

New Horizons.

Remember when I gave blood to save all of your lives a couple weeks ago? Well I ended up winning the drawing that they entered all the donators into... totally unbeknownst to me that there even was a drawing. I won a basket full of American Red Cross SWAG, chips and salsa from Trader Joes, Salt Water Taffy, and a bunch of completely useless flyers from various useless hot spots around town... i.e. Heating and Cooling of Arizona... Thanks?

But it was pretty cool to be woken up to the roommate coming into my room to wake me up with a basket of unknown goodies. (Obviously once they were known it was a little less cool.) Started off the week on the right foot.

Also something awesome that happened on the same day was that I had an interview with the president of a local company. I met him at a tournament at the club where he gave me his card. I was nervous to call or email him because I wasn't sure if he would remember me but he immediately emailed me back and was anxious to set up an appointment. Long story short... I got the job! Its in insurance but agents can make really good money and everyone has to start somewhere. It was a double bonus, too, because I didn't even need to apply or go on a job search. Awesome.

I am finally done with my dreaded classes of this semester. I was praying for B's in them and I got all A's! My near perfect GPA is blemished my the one B I received in that stupid community college class! Oh well. What can you do?

My next couple of classes (literally two) begin on June 6th. The first one only goes until July 6th and then the other one is finished July 29th... my last day of grad school, hollla! I had to apply to graduate and setup a meeting with my counselor the other day. She was so impressed that I was truly pushing through the program full up and said I am the only one she has had to finish as quickly as I will :) Its been a rough road, but will be totally worth it... I mean, what insurance agent doesn't have a masters in human relations?

I am currently watching a Lady Gaga marathon... Boom. Little Monstered. posted

Ode to Moms.

I love you, Mom. Thanks for everything you do for me... even if I can't stand it...

Mom, you have always been my number one fan and loved me just because,

How ever would I have made it through my life without your gasps, ooh's and aww's?

While I was learning to drive, you would sit, your knuckles turning white

and turn to face me in dreaded fear, smiling with all your might. 

At times I was hard to deal with and often we did fight,

but come the next day we would resolve and your arms would be wrapped around me tight. 

With my gymnastics, soccer, basketball and track, your time was never squandered,

except for the days my ankles gave way and our vacations, well they were altered.

But you always have a plan 

and we had a van

so while you and the whole family were off on your hike

It was one hundred degrees and I was looking deathlike...

Throughout the trials and tribulations our relationship has grown

and with you in my life I shall never be alone.

Thank you, Mom for all that you do

and never forget that I will always love you.

Boom. Posted.

Meat Market Hookup.

My little brother turned 20 yesterday and came home for the night before. My roommate wanted to get him a new phone but my family has Sprint and my parents do not necessarily want to renew our contracts because the reception where they live isn't all that great. So my roommate was going to buy him a phone 'outright' and just replace his old, worthless one. The three of us venture to a new store near our house so my brother can pick one out.

We get to the store and our 'sales rep' was immediately an idiot. Look, I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, and I did at first... but I could only take it for so long. Especially when I am with my non-confrontational grandmother and my brother who doesn't exactly know what is going on, other than the fact he is getting a new phone.

So we tell this guy my brother needs a new phone and we do not want to upgrade. Well he instantly does not like that statement and goes off on a rampage on all the reasons why we should upgrade because it will be cheaper, yadda yadda yadda. My brother explains to him that we are on our parents plan, they live in a place where reception isn't the best and we are not going to upgrade.

This moron tries to continue to convince us otherwise for another 10 minutes then finally gives up. We also inform him that we do not want a smart phone because we do not have the data plan and are not going to get it. Well then he goes off saying that there is only one phone in the whole store Nelson can get that does not require a data plan... one phone, really? The he says, and I quote, "Well lemme go double check because I don't want to be wrong or nothin'". Yeah you go double check. It is your job....

Then he verifies that the one phone is the only one. Just then he asks the lady sales rep who has another costumer and she informs us that five phones do not require data plans.... fail number 1.

He doesn't even apologize or say he got confused, or anything. He just says that's why he double checked. Well your double checking was wrong psycho!

The Nelson picks out the phone he wants, LG Rumor Touch, and we being the process of transfer. But as soon as we sat down the gays asks us, "Do you guys buy your meat your meat locally?" I was like "....yeah?" Then he proceeds to hand out a business card because he owns his own meat market. Awesome. Glad I have a hook up now?

Everything is printed off just time to pay and he says that the total is like $30. Now I already know what he did. He upgraded Nelson's phone even though we told him over five times that we were not upgrading. So I quickly say "How can it be $30? We said we did not want to upgrade and knew the price was going to be over $200..." Moron man doesn't even apologize or said he made a mistake just says "Oh, yeah. I guess I just had upgrade on my mind."

Long story short... yeah its longer.... Nelson finally got his phone without an upgrade but he had to activate it himself since we were on our way to see a movie. I was livid.

The movie, like our sales rep, was also stupid but it was Nelson's birthday so I bit the bullet and stayed for the whole thing. It was Your Highness and it was worse than Hall Pass. Only $3.25 though at the cheap theater.... ballin.

Boom. Sprinted. ...posted.

Too Soon?

I had to work from noon to 5pm today and I walk in the door to see my roommate and her dog just hanging out on the couch, exhausted from clearly a shopping trip since there are products and bags everywhere. The products are mainly bulk items so I deduce that Costco was where she had gone but then I noticed a Target bag. Thinking about the $30 gift card she has promised me that she received from the dentist I asked "Hey, what did you get from Target?" To which she replies, 'Oh, just some hand lotion.... and a Kindle."

How unbelievably nonchalant. It was hilarious. "Oh you know just the usual stuff I always pick up, this is like my seventh Kindle.." That's what it sounded like to me.

Work was a bit rough but the tips made up for it. Tomorrow I will be a walking zombie because I have to be in at 8AM. 8! Blah.

I served a group of Canadian men today who were from Quebec and spoke French (obviously). So I entertained them with the few phrases I could remember, 'c'est chouette' being my favorite. It translates sort of like 'that's cool or awesome' and it isn't very popular anymore so when I say it they think its funny. (I was voted class clown on numerous occasions.) Any way they loved me and were very nice, but who doesn't and who isn't in my presence? Amiright?

Some big news has occurred but everyone keeps confusing 'Osama' with 'Obama'... its going to be a problem eventually. Maybe one of them ought to be hunted down by the most powerful military in the entire world and shot to death in his own house... too soon?

Boom. Posted.

Just Savin' Lives.

Okay well maybe I am saving lives just not with the best attitude... I gave blood yesterday for our local community blood drive. Basically when I had to work at the club during the homeowner's association I signed up to give blood because the poor lady needed volunteers. Usually I say I can't give blood because I was born in Germany during the Mad Cow Disease outbreak and if ou were there longer than 6 months between the years of 1980-1990, you are disqualified. Well 'luckily' I was only there for 4 monts so I was still qualified... yikes.

I walked into the freezing cold bus wearing my same outfit from church because the roommate and I went to breakfast and I didn't have time to change. Anyway it took about an hour to answer all the questions and get setup on the chair. I did ask for a blanket because I knew once I had less blood in my system I would more than likely become a popsicle. 

The girl had only been certified since January so that was reassuring... I used my left arm and she did say  that I had veins, which is always a bonus. Now let me preface the rest of this story by saying I have never officially passed out in my life. I may have felt dizzy from standing up too quickly or felt lightheaded because I am in meltdown mode (which is where I am so hungry I can't do anything and this is what my parents call it because I literally meltdown and become completely cranky). Those are really the only few times I feel that way. 

I am just lying there, pumping my stress ball because my blood flows faster if I keep that up and then after 5 minutes I am done. Finished. Awesome, I can leave.... But wait just a sec. Now its time to fill up the SIX viles off of the tubes connector thing for other testing purposes. Okay, no problemo, I can deal.. until she sticks one into the tube and I can physically feel the suction of my blood leaving my body. Needless to say after the sixth one I truly did feel extremely lightheaded and a little nauseous. But once I said that everyone sprang into action. I had one guy throwing cool towels on my forehead and chest, another guy reclining my seat further, and someone saying I need to kick my feet up and down like I am swimming. 

They then proceed to question if I am going to vomit, which I did feel like I was going to but somehow I knew I wasn't but I did say potentially and they put a huge garbage bag on my stomach just in case but one of the guys says "Well, we should put her chair back up because if she does throw up... we are going to have a whole other issue." I had to laugh at that because it would have been horrifying but then I felt even more like I was heading towards the light so I was then told to cough really deeply, like a smoker. So I did that for awhile and it began to help, along with the swimming feet, and after I was coming back into complete consciousness that guy told me I had a wonderful smoker's cough... thanks?

The rest of the day I was totally wiped. I felt like someone took a pound of blood from my body... wait...

It was also weird because I had played the Kinect the day before for about an hour or two. Just learning some new dances, killin it in soccer, and getting KO's in boxing... the usual. But anyway I was really sore the next day and after they took my blood, I felt even more sore. Like they took all the blood that was cushioning the lactic acid from my muscles and now I had to bear it all on my own. Darn C3H6O3. 

This best part of this whole experience is now I have a very relevant and hilarious video about "BUHLUD":

Boom. Saved. Your. Life. With. My. Blood. Posted