5.07.2012

Times are a-Changing.

Good ole yours truly is moving out!



I know its only been about 3 months since my last update but let me fill my (hopefully still) faithful readers in on a few milestones that have been and are to be happening:
I go to Indy for Superbowl>> Blake comes to Tucson for visit>>I go back to Indy for interview>>Get random interview while out there for awesome company>>Get call two weeks later>>I'm moving to Indy May 11th. 

Boom. Updated! 

No more questions right? Okay, okay fine. I'll give you all the details:

After Blake came to visit the end of March, we realized that the job search had moved into full swing. I was getting calls for phone interviews and I needed to fly out again to seal some deals. Over Easter weekend I went to interview with a really great beer and wine distributor for a wine sales job. Would have been great but it is a lot of work for little pay in the beginning. The recruiter was very helpful and knew that I was only going to be in town for a few days so she pulled some strings and after my initial interview Thursday afternoon, she called for another one Friday morning. They were all going great so Blake and his coworker decided to take me out to lunch at a Mexican restaurant for happy hour to celebrate. Two margaritas later and we are driving home when I get a phone call... for another interview... in 20 minutes. Inner monologue: "Pull yourself together Lauren, you can do this. You are not Leslie Knope, you will triumph. Yes it is ironic that they are in the alcohol business... maybe this will be a sure thing... no... get it together!"

For those of you who are not an avid Parks & Recreation fan, please enjoy: 


All the interviews went great but it was Friday night that changed everything. Blake's coworker was having something delivered to his apartment by one of the companies they use for their props at conventions and got to talking about me visiting Blake. He mentioned I was looking for a job when the guy suggested Blake call them because their company had a position available. Blake gives them a call right away and we set up an informal interview for Saturday morning. That interview went great and I ended up changing my flight to stay an extra day for my 5th interview with the wine place (shadow day) and my 2nd at the Exhibit House. Meet a lot of the employees, everything goes great, wait very patiently for two weeks for a response (not even close to patiently), and BOOM. I am employed.  

Now this company is awesome. They build booths, displays, exhibits, props, signs, posters, and anything else you can imagine all from this warehouse that is included in the office. They have a large graphic design team and are used all over the world. Here is an example of their work: 


Pretty cool huh? So my first day of work in on Monday which means I have a mucho things to accomplish before then. Not to mention my parents are in town, Blake flies in tomorrow, and we are all leaving on Friday. Hectic. 

Also we are in the process of choosing a new car for me to buy once I get out there. The 2012 Toyota Corolla S is taking the lead right now. I love the way it drives and the interior and I was very disappointed with the new Honda Civic. So Corolla it is!

Lots of new and exciting adventures ahead and I promise to maintain the blog in order to keep you updated!

Also check this out (click the picture), read the whole thing and you will be glad you did! Beyond Hilarious: 

REAL CRAIGSLIST ADD, MUST READ!Yoga mat for sale. Used once. - $1 (Bellevue) Yoga mat for sale. Used once at lunch hour class in December 2009. Usage timeline as follows: 11:45a Register for hot yoga class. Infinite wisdom tells me to commit to 5 class package and purchase a yoga mat. I pay $89.74. Money well spent, I smugly confirm to myself. 11:55a Open door to yoga room. A gush of hot dry air rushes through and past me. It smells of breath, sweat and hot. Take spot on floor in back of room next to cute blonde. We will date. 11:57a I feel the need to be as near to naked as possible. This is a problem because of the hot blonde to my left and our pending courtship. She will not be pleased to learn that I need to lose 30 pounds before I propose to her. 11:58a The shirt and sweats have to come off. I throw caution to the wind and decide to rely on my wit and conditioning to overcome any weight issues my fiancée may take issue with. This will take a lot of wit and conditioning. 11:59a Begin small talk with my bride to be. She pretends to ignore me but I know how she can be. I allow her to concentrate and stare straight ahead and continue to pretend that I don't exist. As we finish sharing our special moment, I am suddenly aware of a sweat moustache that has formed below my nose. This must be from the all the whispering between us. 12:00p Instructor enters the room and ascends her special podium at the front of the room. She is a slight, agitated Chinese woman. She introduces me to the class and everyone turns around to greet me just as I decide to aggressively adjust my penis and testes packed in my Under Armor. My bride is notably unfazed. 12:02p Since I do have experience with Hot Yoga (4 sessions just 5 short years ago) I fully consider that I may be so outstanding and skilled that my instructor may call me out and ask me to guide the class. My wife will look on with a sparkle in her eye. We will make love after class. 12:10p It is now up to 95 degrees in the room. We have been practicing deep breathing exercises for the last 8 minutes. This would not be a problem if we were all breathing actual, you know, oxygen. Instead, we are breathing each other's body odor, expelled carbon dioxide and other unmentionables. (Don't worry, I'll mention them later.) 12:26p It is now 100 degrees and I take notice of the humidity, which is hovering at about 90%. I feel the familiar adorning stare of my bride and decide to look back at her. She appears to be nauseated. I then realize that I forgot to brush my teeth prior to attending this class. We bond. 12:33p It is now 110 degrees and 95% humidity. I am now balancing on one leg with the other leg crossed over the other. My arms are intertwined and I am squatting. The last time I was in this position was 44 years ago in the womb, but I'm in this for the long haul. My wife looks slightly weathered dripping sweat and her eyeliner is streaming down her face. Well, "for better or worse" is what we committed to so we press on. 12:40p The overweight Hispanic man two spots over has sweat running down his legs. At least I think its sweat. He is holding every position and has not had a sip of water since we walked in. He is making me look bad and I hate him. 12:44p I consider that if anyone in this room farted that we would all certainly perish. 12:52p It is now 140 degrees and 100% humidity. I am covered from head to toe in sweat. There is not a square millimeter on my body that is not slippery and sweaty. I am so slimy that I feel like a sea lion or a maybe sea eel. Not even a bear trap could hold me. The sweat is stinging my eyeballs and I can no longer see. 12:55p This room stinks of asparagus, cloves, tuna and tacos. There is no food in the room. I realize that this is an amalgamation of the body odors of 30 people in a 140 degree room for the last 55 minutes. Seriously, enough with the asparagus, ok? 1:01p 140 degrees and 130% humidity. Look, bitch, I need my space here so don't get all pissy with me if I accidentally sprayed you with sweat as I flipped over. Seriously, is that where this relationship is going? Get over yourself. We need counseling and she needs to be medicated. Stat! 1:09p 150 degrees and cloudy. And hot. I can no longer move my limbs on my own. I have given up on attempting any of the commands this Chinese chick is yelling out at us. I will lay sedentary until the aid unit arrives. I will buy this building and then have it destroyed. I lose consciousness. 1:15p I have a headache and my wife is being a selfish bitch. I can't really breathe. All I can think about is holding a cup worth of hot sand in my mouth. I cannot remember what an ice cube is and cannot remember what snow looks like. I consider that my only escape might be a crab walk across 15 bodies and then out of the room. I am paralyzed, and may never walk again so the whole crab walk thing is pretty much out. 1:17p I cannot move at all and cannot reach my water. Is breathing voluntary or involuntary? If it's voluntary, I am screwed. I stopped participating in the class 20 minutes ago. Hey, lady! I paid for this frickin class, ok?! You work for me! Stop yelling at everyone and just tell us a story or something. It's like juice and cracker time, ok? 1:20p It is now 165 degrees and moisture is dripping from the ceiling. The towel that I am laying on is no longer providing any wicking or drying properties. It is actually placing additional sweat on me as I touch it. My towel reeks. I cannot identify the smell but no way can it be from me. Did someone spray some stank on my towel or something? 1:30p Torture session is over. I wish hateful things upon the instructor. She graciously allows us to stay and 'cool down' in the room. It is 175 degrees. Who cools down in 175 degrees? A Komodo Dragon? My wife has left the room. Probably to throw up. 1:34p My opportunity to escape has arrived. I roll over to my stomach and press up to my knees. It is warmer as I rise up from ground level - probably by 15 degrees. So let's conservatively say it's 190. I muster my final energy and slowly rise. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other. Towards the door. Towards the door. 1:37p The temperature in the lobby is 72 degrees. Both nipples stiffen to diamond strength and my penis begins to retract into my abdomen from the 100 degree temp swing. I can once again breathe though so I am pleased. I spot my future ex wife in the lobby. We had such a good thing going but I know that no measure of counseling will be able to unravel the day's turmoil and mental scaring. 1:47p Arrive at Emerald City Smoothie and proceed to order a 32 oz beverage. 402 calories, 0 fat and 14 grams of protein -- effectively negating any caloric burn or benefit from the last 90 minutes. I finish it in 3 minutes and spend the next 2 hours writing this memoir. 3:47p Create Craigslist ad while burning final 2 grams of protein from Smoothie and before the "shakes" consume my body. 4:29p Note to self - check car for missing wet yoga towel in am.

Boom. I'M MOVING TO INDIANA...Posted
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